Friday, February 29, 2008

Not Knowing

Not knowing what my position in life is other than being a mom and a wife. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing more for me.

Not knowing what I am supposed to do for my future, when my kids get older.. what am I supposed to be.

I am trying to figure it out, I think about it all the time. I have a passion for writing, I love it actually. I think people don't think I'm smart enough or that it is a silly thing. I don't know, maybe it is, my husband actually bought me this laptop computer because I think he knows I want to do this, I don't know that he actually believes that it is something serious, but for me it is.

There are things that I want to do, I would like to be a personal assistant, I can do a lot, take care of things that maybe someone else does not have the time to do. I am a get it done type of person, I hate housecleaning, so that is one area that I would not be a get it done type of person. My house is clean but that does not mean I like cleaning it. I can though .. get on the phone to take care of dealing with insurance companies, bills...problem type, love it. I also can run errands and shop.

The other thing I am good at is collections, I worked in collections years ago in an office, I speak to people very well, but also in a way that when needed I can get down to business and make it clear that they need to take care of their part in taking care of their bill. I wish that I could possibly work for a company that I can work from home and collect on their behalf so that I can still be there for my children.

There are so many things that my mind thinks about when I think of my future, sometimes keeping me up at night. Because I love writing, I am going to start doing just that, it tends to help relieve the stress, to be able to write it all down, I get it out and I can let it go.

I think that I can help people, I know that by my life experiences that if I share them and make people feel safe sharing theirs that I can find happiness in life. That I will be able to find my calling in life. I can hope, nothing wrong with that, nothing anyone can do to take that away if I don't allow it.

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